Spoof on Adult Education Courses
Posted: Wednesday, February 27, 2008
by Kimberly
http://kimberlyinChance.blogspot.com
The adult education booklet had finally arrived. "Achieving Control,"
seemed like an interesting topic, so I scanned down the page to see just what
kind of control they were talking about. Controlling panic and anxiety were
their main goals. I don't have much anxiety and the last time I panicked was
when our French Bulldog Fred, fell over while choking on kibbles.
"Stop Smoking with Hypnosis," sounded interesting, but I stopped smoking 26
years ago. We had a very similar sympathetic program back then called,
"Quitting Cold Turkey While Suffering"!
"Is your Wallet Ready to Have Kids in College?" My kids have already
graduated from College. I don't think anyone's wallet is ready to have kids in
college. In fact, I had to sell my wallet!
"Civilize Your Dog," gave me a horrifying flashback. The year was 1988
and I had signed my dog up for beginner obedience classes at our Civic Center.
You can imagine the embarrassment I felt when I had to call the Instructor and
cancel before we ever took one class. My dog had bitten the mail lady and was
placed on "In Home Quarantine!" I could have used the "Panic and Anxiety"
course that day.
"Outdoor Navigation and Hiking," seemed like fun. But then again I walk 3
miles a day as it is. I don't own sturdy boots or a compass as they require and
I don't know how to read a woods map.
There was,"Boating Certification, Skills and Seamanship!" Everyone in my
family has this certification. Everyone except me, that is. I don't care for
boats. I'm afraid of water and I failed every swimming lesson I ever took. Land is
where I like my feet.
They did offer "Music". I had played clarinet as a child. I located
my instrument in the back closet and proceeded to put her together. I watched in
horror as the corks disintegrated in my hands. I gently placed my old
friend back in her case, where she will probably stay for eternity.
Under "Sports and Fitness" Russian Kettle Bells were described as perfect
for the person who wants to look lean and have shapely defined muscles. Just how
much Kettle Belling do we have to do? There was "Belly Dancing," to target the
abdominal muscles. But I have way too much belly that needs to be
targeted.
"Proper Nutrition to Look and Feel Great," made me laugh. We all know by now that we should only drink diet colas. I don't even eat the excess salt from the bottom of
the pretzel bag any longer. I felt saddened as I tossed the Adult Education
booklet into the garbage. You would think someone working in our town would be
able to come up with some interesting, enlightening courses. I guess I'll just
have to wait for the Fall Semester and see what they have to offer
then.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Thanks, Kimberly, for a great start to my day! Love the humor!
Thank you for reading my article. For some reason that catalog seemed "FUNNY" to me that day. Kimberly
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