Smoking was Killing Me and I was Only 21!
Posted: Tuesday, March 04, 2008
by Kimberly
http://kimberlyinChance.blogspot.com
I started smoking cigarettes at age eleven. I don't know when that fine line curved from wanting to needing. But by age thirteen, I was hooked. I didn't see it as being a problem back then. Almost everyone I knew smoked. In fact, I started working on my families tobacco farm at age thirteen. Tobacco was life.
Smoking became a problem for me after I got married. My husband hated cigarette smoking. The smell, the smoke, the everything . As a grown woman I found myself, "Enjoying" my cigarettes standing outside of our apartment complex. It didn't matter if it was raining or freezing temperatures outside. I would dress for the elements. This devious friend called "Smoking" was quickly consuming me.
I was determined to end this sick relationship. I needed a plan that would be the least painful and give results. In a moment of brilliance I decided, I'll cut down. I would limit my number of cigarettes and gradually reduce that amount until I quit completely. That master plan didn't last a day.
Next, I came up with my ingenious Plan B. I would quit cold turkey. How in the world did I think I could quit cold turkey when I couldn't even cut down for a day? I rehearsed over and over in my head that if I smoked even one cigarette that day something awful was going to happen to me. If I lit up just one smoke, the sky was going to come crashing down on my head. That lasted about three hours when I reasoned, "I'll take my chances"! I had an addiction and much like "Chasing the Dragon," I needed help!
Feeling weak and defeated, I resided to the fact that I didn't have the strength to cut these ties. I was ruining my good health. My clothes and hair reeked of stale smoke and most importantly to me I was disappointing the one person I loved most in the world, my husband. And then it hit me!
I was going about this all wrong. In my ingenious Plan B, I was taking "My" chances. We all take chances with ourselves, but not with the ones we love. Right then and there I placed my cigarettes on the kitchen table and made a pact. I couldn't smoke for one day. If I even touched a cigarette that day something terrible was going to happen to my husband. I reasoned it all in my head. Tomorrow I could smoke 10 packs if I desired, but for this one day I had to refrain.
I'm not saying it was easy. I would glance at that pack of cigarettes a hundred times a day. I completely focused on the imaginary fact that if I smoked just one cigarette, I would be the cause of some catastrophic accident towards my husband. With the next day approaching, I made the pact again. I didn't go into a panic that I would never be allowed to smoke. I could clearly see my cigarettes on the kitchen table. I just had to refrain, that one day.
My smokeless one day turned into a week. The weeks turned into months. There then came that pivotal point, when the mental fine line reversed its curve from wanting to not needing. I reclaimed my life and freedom back that day. I felt strong enough to pick up that false friend from my kitchen table and discard it. Gone forever are those sad, desperate days of standing outside alone, "Enjoying my Smokes"!
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Kimberly, Thank you for sharing your story. In a way, a catastrophic occurence may have happened to your husband because he could have lost you to your addiction. You certainly displayed great courage. Be well.Thank you James, for those kind words. I never thought of it like that. Kimberly
Anyone who has smoked can relate to this story! How you went from that addicted person to one who is so healthy is amazing.
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